- Compassion and the Individual
- His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama
- © Tenzin Gyatso, the Fourteenth Dalai Lama 1990
One great question underlies our experience, whether we think about it
consciously or not: What is the purpose of life? I have considered this question and would
like to share my thoughts in the hope that they may be of direct, practical benefit to
those who read them.
I believe that the purpose of life is to be happy. From the moment of
birth, every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social
conditioning nor education nor ideology affect this. From the very core of our being, we
simply desire contentment. I don't know whether the universe, with its countless galaxies,
stars and planets, has a deeper meaning or not, but at the very least, it is clear that we
humans who live on this earth face the task of making a happy life for ourselves.
Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of
How to achieve happiness
For a start, it is possible to divide every kind of happiness and
suffering into two main categories: mental and physical. Of the two, it is the mind that
exerts the greatest influence on most of us. Unless we are either gravely ill or deprived
of basic necessities, our physical condition plays a secondary role in life. If the body
is content, we virtually ignore it. The mind, however, registers every event, no matter
how small. Hence we should devote our most serious efforts to bringing about mental peace.
From my own limited experience I have found that the greatest degree of
inner tranquillity comes from the development of love and compassion.
The more we care for the happiness of others, the greater our own sense
of well-being becomes. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically
puts the mind at ease. This helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and
gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the ultimate source
of success in life.
As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter problems.
If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face
difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but
everyone who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our
determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed, with this attitude, each new
obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable opportunity to improve our mind!
Thus we can strive gradually to become more compassionate, that is we
can develop both genuine sympathy for others' suffering and the will to help remove their
pain. As a result, our own serenity and inner strength will increase.
Our need for love
Ultimately, the reason why love and compassion bring the greatest
happiness is simply that our nature cherishes them above all else. The need for love lies
at the very foundation of human existence. It results from the profound interdependence we
all share with one another. However capable and skillful an individual may be, left alone,
he or she will not survive. However vigorous and independent one may feel during the most
prosperous periods of life, when one is sick or very young or very old, one must depend on
the support of others.
Interdependence, of course, is a fundamental law of nature. Not only
higher forms of life but also many of the smallest insects are social beings who, without
any religion, law or education, survive by mutual cooperation based on an innate
recognition of their interconnectedness. The most subtle level of material phenomena is
also governed by interdependence. All phenomena, from the planet we inhabit to the oceans,
clouds, forests and flowers that surround us, arise in dependence upon subtle patterns of
energy. Without their proper interaction, they dissolve and decay.
It is because our own human existence is so dependent on the help of
others that our need for love lies at the very foundation of our existence. Therefore we
need a genuine sense of responsibility and a sincere concern for the welfare of others.
We have to consider what we human beings really are. We are not like
machine-made objects. If we were merely mechanical entities, then machines themselves
could alleviate all of our sufferings and fulfil our needs. However, since we are not
solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on
external development alone. Instead, we should consider our origins and nature to discover
what we require.
Leaving aside the complex question of the creation and evolution of our
universe, we can at least agree that each of us is the product of our own parents. In
general, our conception took place not just in the context of sexual desire but from our
parents' decision to have a child. Such decisions are founded on responsibility and
altruism -- the parents' compassionate commitment to care for their child until it is able
to take care of itself. Thus, from the very moment of our conception, our parents' love is
directly involved in our creation.
Moreover, we are completely dependent upon our mother's care from the
earliest stages of our growth. According to some scientists, a pregnant woman's mental
state, be it calm or agitated, has a direct physical effect on her unborn child.
The expression of love is also very important at the time of birth.
Since the very first thing we do is suck milk from our mother's breast, we naturally feel
close to her, and she must feel love for us in order to feed us properly; if she feels
anger or resentment her milk may not flow freely.
Then there is the critical period of brain development from the time of
birth up to at least the age of three or four, during which time loving physical contact
is the single most important factor for the normal growth of the child. If the child is
not held, hugged, cuddled or loved, its development will be impaired and its brain will
not mature properly.
Since a child cannot survive without the care of others, love is its
most important nourishment. The happiness of childhood, the allaying of the child's many
fears and the healthy development of its self- confidence all depend directly upon love.
Nowadays, many children grow up in unhappy homes. If they do not
receive proper affection, in later life they will rarely love their parents and, not
infrequently, will find it hard to love others. This is very sad.
As children grow older and enter school, their need for support must be
met by their teachers. If a teacher not only imparts academic education but also assumes
responsibility for preparing students for life, his or her pupils will feel trust and
respect and what has been taught will leave an indelible impression on their minds. On the
other hand, subjects taught by a teacher who does not show true concern for his or her
students' overall well-being will be regarded as temporary and not retained for long.
Similarly, if one is sick and being treated in hospital by a doctor who
evinces a warm human feeling, one feels at ease and the doctor's desire to give the best
possible care is itself curative, irrespective of the degree of his or her technical
skill. On the other hand, if one's doctor lacks human feeling and displays an unfriendly
expression, impatience or casual disregard, one will feel anxious, even if he or she is
the most highly qualified doctor and the disease has been correctly diagnosed and the
right medication prescribed. Inevitably, patients' feelings make a difference to the
quality and completeness of their recovery.
Even when we engage in ordinary conversation in everyday life, if
someone speaks with human feeling we enjoy listening, and respond accordingly; the whole
conversation becomes interesting, however unimportant the topic may be. On the other hand,
if a person speaks coldly or harshly, we feel uneasy and wish for a quick end to the
interaction. From the least to the most important event, the affection and respect of
others are vital for our happiness.
Recently I met a group of scientists in America who said that the rate
of mental illness in their country was quite high around twelve percent of the population.
it became clear during our discussion that the main cause of depression was not a lack of
material necessities but a deprivation of the affection of others.
So, as you can see from everything I have written so far, one thing
seems clear to me: whether or not we are consciously aware of it, from the day we are
born, the need for human affection is in our very blood. Even if the affection comes from
an animal or someone we would normally consider an enemy, both children and adults will
naturally gravitate towards it.
I believe that no one is born free from the need for love. And this
demonstrates that, although some modern schools of thought seek to do so, human beings
cannot be defined as solely physical. No material object, however beautiful or valuable,
can make us feel loved, because our deeper identity and true character lie in the
subjective nature of the mind.
Some of my friends have told me that, while love and compassion are
marvelous and good, they are not really very relevant. Our world, they say, is not a place
where such beliefs have much influence or power. They claim that anger and hatred are so
much a part of human nature that humanity will always be dominated by them. I do not
We humans have existed in our present form for about a hundred thousand
years. I believe that if during this time the human mind had been primarily controlled by
anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our
wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me
that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are
"news"; compassionate activities are so much a part of daily life that they are
taken for granted and, therefore, largely ignored.
So far I have been discussing mainly the mental benefits of compassion,
but it contributes to good physical health as well. According to my personal experience,
mental stability and physical well-being are directly related. Without question, anger and
agitation make us more susceptible to illness. On the other hand, if the mind is tranquil
and occupied with positive thoughts, the body will not easily fall prey to disease.
But of course it is also true that we all have an innate
self-centeredness that inhibits our love for others. So, since we desire the true
happiness that is brought about by only a calm mind, and since such peace of mind is
brought about by only a compassionate attitude, how can we develop this? Obviously, it is
not enough for us simply to think about how nice compassion is! We need to make a
concerted effort to develop it; we must use all the events of our daily life to transform
our thoughts and behavior.
First of all, we must be clear about what we mean by compassion. Many
forms of compassionate feeling are mixed with desire and attachment. For instance, the
love parents feel for their child is often strongly associated with their own emotional
needs, so it is not fully compassionate. Again, in marriage, the love between husband and
wife -- particularly at the beginning, when each partner still may not know the other's
deeper character very well -- depends more on attachment than genuine love. Our desire can
be so strong that the person to whom we are attached appears to be good, when in fact he
or she is very negative. In addition, we have a tendency to exaggerate small positive
qualities. Thus when one partner's attitude changes, the other partner is often
disappointed and his or her attitude changes too. This is an indication that love has been
motivated more by personal need than by genuine care for the other individual.
True compassion is not just an emotional response but a firm commitment
founded on reason. Therefore, a truly compassionate attitude towards others does not
change even if they behave negatively.
Of course, developing this kind of compassion is not at all easy! As a
start, let us consider the following facts:
Whether people are beautiful and friendly or unattractive and
disruptive, ultimately they are human beings, just like oneself. Like oneself, they want
happiness and do not want suffering. Furthermore, their right to overcome suffering and be
happy is equal to one's own. Now, when you recognize that all beings are equal in both
their desire for happiness and their right to obtain it, you automatically feel empathy
and closeness for them. Through accustoming your mind to this sense of universal altruism,
you develop a feeling of responsibility for others: the wish to help them actively
overcome their problems. Nor is this wish selective; it applies equally to all. As long as
they are human beings experiencing pleasure and pain just as you do, there is no logical
basis to discriminate between them or to alter your concern for them if they behave
Let me emphasize that it is within our power, given patience and time,
to develop this kind of compassion. Of course, our self-centeredness, our distinctive
attachment to the feeling of an independent, self-existent "I: works fundamentally to
inhibit our compassion. Indeed, true compassion can be experienced only when this type of
self-grasping is eliminated. But this does not mean that we cannot start and make progress
How we can start
We should begin by removing the greatest hindrances to compassion:
anger and hatred. As we all know, these are extremely powerful emotions and they can
overwhelm our entire mind. Nevertheless, they can be controlled. If, however, they are
not, these negative emotions will plague us -- with no extra effort on their part! -- and
impede our quest for the happiness of a loving mind.
So as a start, it is useful to investigate whether or not anger is of
value. Sometimes, when we are discouraged by a difficult situation, anger does seem
helpful, appearing to bring with it more energy, confidence and determination.
Here, though, we must examine our mental state carefully. While it is
true that anger brings extra energy, if we explore the nature of this energy, we discover
that it is blind: we cannot be sure whether its result will be positive or negative. This
is because anger eclipses the best part of our brain: its rationality. So the energy of
anger is almost always unreliable. It can cause an immense amount of destructive,
unfortunate behavior. Moreover, if anger increases to the extreme, one becomes like a mad
person, acting in ways that are as damaging to oneself as they are to others.
It is possible, however, to develop an equally forceful but far more
controlled energy with which to handle difficult situations.
This controlled energy comes not only from a compassionate attitude,
but also from reason and patience. These are the most powerful antidotes to anger.
Unfortunately, many people misjudge these qualities as signs of weakness. I believe the
opposite to be true: that they are the true signs of inner strength. Compassion is by
nature gentle, peaceful and soft, but it is also very powerful. It is those who easily
lose their patience who are insecure and unstable. Thus, to me, the arousal of anger is a
direct sign of weakness.
So, when a problem first arises, try to remain humble and maintain a
sincere attitude and be concerned that the outcome is fair. Of course, others may try to
take advantage of you, and if your remaining detached only encourages unjust aggression,
adopt a strong stand. This, however, should be done with compassion, and if it is
necessary to express your views and take strong countermeasures, do so without anger or
You should realize that even though your opponents appear to be harming
you, in the end, their destructive activity will damage only themselves. In order to check
your own selfish impulse to retaliate, you should recall your desire to practice
compassion and assume responsibility for helping prevent the other person from suffering
the consequences of his or her acts.
Thus, because the measures you employ have been calmly chosen, they
will be more effective, more accurate and more forceful. Retaliation based on the blind
energy of anger seldom hits the target.
Friends and enemies
I must emphasize again that merely thinking that compassion and reason
and patience are good will not be enough to develop them. We must wait for difficulties to
arise and then attempt to practice them.
And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course, but our
enemies. They are the ones who give us the most trouble. So if we truly wish to learn, we
should consider enemies to be our best teacher!
For a person who cherishes compassion and love, the practice of
tolerance is essential, and for that, an enemy is indispensable. So we should feel
grateful to our enemies, for it is they who can best help us develop a tranquil mind!
Also, it is often the case in both personal and public life, that with a change in
circumstances, enemies become friends.
So anger and hatred are always harmful, and unless we train our minds
and work to reduce their negative force, they will continue to disturb us and disrupt our
attempts to develop a calm mind. Anger and hatred are our real enemies. These are the
forces we most need to confront and defeat, not the temporary "enemies" who
appear intermittently throughout life.
Of course, it is natural and right that we all want friends. I often
joke that if you really want to be selfish, you should be very altruistic! You should take
good care of others, be concerned for their welfare, help them, serve them, make more
friends, make more smiles. The result? When you yourself need help, you find plenty of
helpers! If, on the other hand, you neglect the happiness of others, in the long term you
will be the loser. And is friendship produced through quarrels and anger, jealousy and
intense competitiveness? I do not think so. Only affection brings us genuine close
In today's materialistic society, if you have money and power, you seem
to have many friends. But they are not friends of yours; they are the friends of your
money and power. When you lose your wealth and influence, you will find it very difficult
to track these people down.
The trouble is that when things in the world go well for us, we become
confident that we can manage by ourselves and feel we do not need friends, but as our
status and health decline, we quickly realize how wrong we were. That is the moment when
we learn who is really helpful and who is completely useless. So to prepare for that
moment, to make genuine friends who will help us when the need arises, we ourselves must
Though sometimes people laugh when I say it, I myself always want more
friends. I love smiles. Because of this I have the problem of knowing how to make more
friends and how to get more smiles, in particular, genuine smiles. For there are many
kinds of smile, such as sarcastic, artificial or diplomatic smiles. Many smiles produce no
feeling of satisfaction, and sometimes they can even create suspicion or fear, can't they?
But a genuine smile really gives us a feeling of freshness and is, I believe, unique to
human beings. If these are the smiles we want, then we ourselves must create the reasons
for them to appear.
Compassion and the world
In conclusion, I would like briefly to expand my thoughts beyond the
topic of this short piece and make a wider point: individual happiness can contribute in a
profound and effective way to the overall improvement of our entire human community.
Because we all share an identical need for love, it is possible to feel
that anybody we meet, in whatever circumstances, is a brother or sister. No matter how new
the face or how different the dress and behavior, there is no significant division between
us and other people. It is foolish to dwell on external differences, because our basic
natures are the same.
Ultimately, humanity is one and this small planet is our only home. If
we are to protect this home of ours, each of us needs to experience a vivid sense of
universal altruism. It is only this feeling that can remove the self-centered motives that
cause people to deceive and misuse one another. If you have a sincere and open heart, you
naturally feel self-worth and confidence, and there is no need to be fearful of others.
I believe that at every level of society -- familial, tribal, national
and international -- the key to a happier and more successful world is the growth of
compassion. We do not need to become religious, nor do we need to believe in an ideology.
All that is necessary is for each of us to develop our good human qualities.
I try to treat whoever I meet as an old friend. This gives me a genuine
feeling of happiness. It is the time to help create a happier world.